Mini-Rant on Lois Lane
To see Lois bust Superman’s balls, go:
Anyway…I was gonna tweet this but I thought it’d be better to blog it.
Lois Lane is the single most unkillable non superhero character in all of comicdom. Period. Dot. The end. Even in arcs where she’s actually died(Superman:The Movie, Crisis on Earth Bumblefuck), we as the audience know that she can’t possibly, possibly stay dead. I actually don’t necessarily have a problem with that, because it’s comics. I know that a lot of people also have a problem with Lois’s apparent blindness:
…I never have, I always thought it was kinda funny.
Lemme tell ya what I do have a lil’ problem with.
So let me just state a few thangs:
LOIS LANE ISN’T FAMOUS FOR WHO SHE IS, OR WHAT SHE’S DONE. SHE’S FAMOUS BECAUSE SHE’S SUPERMAN’S GIRLFRIEND. Period. DOT. The end.
Even in Superman Returns, where she got the pulitzer, it was a loose continuation of the Donner Universe, and she got the Pulitzer after WRITING A PIECE ABOUT SUPERMAN.
I’ve heard quite a few people say that she’s been around as long as Superman, and appeared in the same issue of his very first appearance, which is true, Action Comics #1, June 1938. It’s true because SHE WAS CREATED AS A LOVE INTEREST FOR SUPERMAN, NOT THE OTHER WAY AROUND. *headdesk*
Lois Lane is the moon, Superman is the sun…it’s reflected glory. Some people will get that later.
Lois Lane, as she has been portrayed pretty much throughout her history, WOULD’VE BEEN DEAD BY NOW SIX WAYS TO SUNDAY, IF IT WASN’T FOR SUPERMAN. There’s not a single incarnation of this story where HE DOESN’T REPEATEDLY SAVE HER BACON.
The name of her comic book was “SUPERMAN’S GIRLFRIEND, LOIS LANE.” I didn’t go through all 137 issues, but she may not even have a cover of that comic run WHERE SUPERMAN IS NOT FEATURED.
I like how Nightwing
has evolved into his own interesting character(ironically based on something Superman did), and has his own fans.
I also like how Teen Titans,
(“When there’s trouble you know who to caaaaaaalllll!” FRIGGIN’ LOVE THAT)
even though it’s always been based on the “Jr” or sidekick versions of mainstream heroes, has its own life, and has for a while now.
But I have to wonder…what would a show, series, or a comic book that just featured Lois Lane be like? Hmmm…..
And if you don’t agree with that statement, how many incarnations of Lois Lane have ever been featured that didn’t involve Superman? I’ve heard the argument that “she’s just as important to the mythos as he is.” Um…bullshit. If you took Lois out, do you think that there wouldn’t be any more Superman movies or comics? Do you think that people would abandon their love for the character if you took away his main love interest? Superman III didn’t feature Lois as the main love interest at all. It still sucked like earthworms after the rain, but it was because of the lame story featuring Richard freaking Pryor. Annette O’toole was positively charming as Lana Lang(the last version of Lana that anyone liked)…Superman IV had Lois in it and still bit the big sausage. This is also how I know that certain people are full of crap, because if I said these exact same things about Jimmy Olsen or Perry White, nobody would say anything. Nobody would be butthurt at all.
I’m not anti-romance, I’m not anti-relationship, I’m not anti-couple, and I’ve loved Reeve/Kidder, Cain/Hatcher, and now Welling/Durance as the comic world’s most famous couple. I completely agree that that relationship pairing is an integral part of the story, and actually have no desire to change that.
WHAT I AM ‘ANTI’ IS ANTI-BULLSHIT. Any type of inference that he is based on her, and that he couldn’t became who he’s supposed to be without her, and, here’s the big one….that somehow Superman himself loses his appeal as a character if Lois isn’t around is absolute and complete bullshit. I guess we better tell Alex Ross & Mark Waid that their seminal work, Kingdom Come, was all for nought. No Lois in there but a dead one. Same with The Dark Knight Returns. The argument that Superman’s story is about love, humanity, and heart is a valid one…it’s one that I’ve often made myself. The love of his birth parents, the love of his Earth parents, and Lois’s love as an adult, are all there, no contest.
I didn’t know that not worshiping the Lane was a crime. Well sacrilege and blasphemy, call me guilty. Ain’t nobody EVER SAID, “Look! Up in the sky! It’s a bird…it’s a plane! No, it’s Lois n’ Clark!” So I don’t care how much some people want certain perspectives to be valid, facts aren’t misogyny, but they are, as Ronald Reagan said, “stubborn things.” This: ..will never be the truth. No matter how hard some people try.