Smallville:Finale_S10_Ep21 Part 1

(filed under Scorch’s review of Smallville:Finale)

STOP. Read THIS first.

So this was it. The finale. The End. The last new episode of Smallville ever. EVER.

And I am just too glad.

In case you didn’t read the link, let me restate:

Smallville is not a show about Superman and his adventures.

Smallville is a show about Clark Kent and his relationships. Period.

They, however, have used Superman’s world, and have teased the audience with an appearance by the full fledged Man of Steel for ten long years.

This finale has actually left such a bad taste in my mouth, that not only will I probably never watch an episode of Smallville again, but I might boycott anything with this production team’s name on it. I can’t see myself investing any of my time or energy into anything they would ever create. In fact, the only reason that I’m doing this review is because so many of my readers said they wanted me to…or else I would’ve wiped my ass with this show and never looked back. Even if, as I’ve suggested in the past, you were to view Smallville as primarily a Silver Age adaptation of Superman(with a few Golden Age elements thrown in), which is a lot closer to the truth, it still doesn’t excuse this ending. What they did with this thing was probably one of the biggest dick moves I’ve ever seen in my life…right up there with killing off Hicks and Newt in Alien 3. It makes you wonder, how much idiocy can one production team create? Just a little effort, just a few degrees here and there, and it could’ve changed everything.

The other thing I’m done with is arguing or justifying anything that I say, because I am a detailed person that likes internal logic and excellence in production. I’m not a “just gloss over it” kind of guy. If people can’t understand as simple a concept as “everyone has the right to their own opinion” then they’re not worth talking to. I’ve seen many comments around the web about how people need to stop bitching and complaining about the finale, and my new philosophy should be clear from this picture: Again, this was the most purposeful snub I think I can remember seeing, and an example of one of the laziest finales in the history of television. Especially from a team that knew the end was coming, knew what the endgame should be, knew what the audience wanted to see, didn’t get canceled unexpectedly midseason, had a rich 70+ year old mythology to work from, and a fine stable of actors to work with…and this was the best that they could do? If you think I’m exaggerating, then let me show you something: Did you see that? Look at it again. You can actually look at that for as long as you want, and it’s pretty clear what it is, and it looks pretty good.

Even THAT was TOO MUCH TO ASK from this finale.

But last week, a FULL COSTUME SHOT OF KARA ZOR-EL WAS NOT. I’m doing this review for you guys, because the only thing that’s on my tongue/in my fingers right now is fuck. this. show. And it wasn’t all bad, indeed, there are moments that I will compliment, because I thoroughly enjoyed them, and thought that they were powerful. But that’s just it. Moments. When it should’ve been two hours of pure, fan gratifying, actor stretching, tightly written EPICNESS. See ‘Rosetta‘ and ‘Absolute Justice.’

Previously on Smallville:

I'm the best thing up IN this moogerfooger.

In rewatching this for the review, I have to say…this ‘previously’ was actually better than almost anything else in the episode. And it was great having Michael Rosenbaum intro it, and Tom Welling do the voice over for saying it’s the series finale. It brought a great big smile to my face, and really whetted my appetite for what was to come in the next two hours. Alas, I should’ve ordered a pizza and had a margarita, that would’ve left me feeling better afterwards.

Sequence 1:

Chloe Olsen Queen seems to be reading a comic book to a child…and right off the bat, things are not clear. Is the implication that Smallvillewas all a story that she made up? Is she still married to Oliver? Whose child is she reading to? And the big one…why exactly

A good ending? I wish we could've made it so Number One. This shit was less fun than a wedgie.

is there a comic book that is clearly published by DC that reveals Superman’s identity with all the details of his growing up? I don’t buy the “this was a special one shot printed only for Chloe” explanation, because there is nothing to indicate that, and would DC really print ONE issue for ONE person? Only some of these questions will be answered before it’s over. And that’s just not good enough for a SERIES FINALE. It’s very similar to the “you have to read the Expanded Universe Star Wars stuff to get it” line. No….you shouldn’t have to. There should be enough information present in the story itself to help the audience understand…that’s the whole point of context. It’s one of the first rules of writing. For an example of a series finale that was self contained and very satisfying, and yet still retained a sense of looking forward to the future, see Star Trek: The Next Generation’s ‘All Good Things.’  So we see that it’s seven years in the future, but back in our time, Apokolips is hurtling towards Earth. Cue the last time we’ll hear the Remy Zero theme in front of a new episode.

Sequence 2:

Back in the present….and let me say that I held my hand up over the bottom of the screen so as to not see the credits, and I don’t read spoilers, so I was actually completely surprised by the guest star at the end. Aaaand….we have Lois and Clark fussing about their seemingly in limbo wedding. My first thought was, really? It is absolutely ridiculous to have them acting like this at this stage of their relationship, when they have spent MOST of SEASON TEN cementing how right they are for each other, and all of the reasons that that’s the case. Plus, most people when they have a canceled wedding, would understand that THAT’S a SERIOUS thing. And both of them are rather blase about it. If the characters don’t care, why should we? It is so out of character for Lois Lane to be acting this way until it’s just pathetic. Lois Lane doesn’t just lay down and give up. Period.

Cut to the Queens…yet another casually married couple, who seem to just now be getting around to asking each other if they really would’ve

Meet me in Montauk.

gone through with their magically induced, forgotten wedding had they had a conscious choice…conveniently ignoring how not too long ago, Chloe couldn’t even bring herself to call Oliver her boyfriend, and was in the midst of a serious identity crisis. Oliver also calls her the Matron of Honor instead of the Maid of Honor which is really kind of funny, as Chloe acts like she’s everybody’s momma. We’re reminded of the presence of Darkseid in Oliver with the X-Files black oil swirl in the lil’ pool as they walk by…so we can see where things are going with the rings.

And, now we’re at the Luthor mansion, which every week has varying degrees of fire damage, I guess thanks to Tess’s rebuilding efforts. Guhranny Goodness shows up, and damn she is one demented bitch. I mean, one of the most creeptastic women that the show has ever had. So blah blah blah, more light and darkness destiny shit, and Tess does like all stupid heroes do, listens to the villain. Groan. Apokolips is coming….and. um. No other systems on the planet are being affected by the presence of a new sphere rolling in that close? Sure.

Sequence 3:

We’re at the Kent Farm…and Martha is there. She seems surprised that Clark is selling it….so I guess they didn’t have a conversation until NOW about her intentions, even though IT’S CLARK’S WEDDING DAY. Um, okay. But, it’s always good to see Annette O’Toole, and damn she looks good at any age. An actor of her quality level literally elevates every scene that she’s in. I also understand that they had to make room for the Jonathan the Friendly Ghost in this ep, but it makes no sense that Martha doesn’t have Perry with her if they’re still dating. And in that context, which she says is totally normal and totally creepy if you think about it, because she’s still thinking of and seeing JK’s face when she’s horizontal with others. Normal and creepy.

"Don't you forget about me. Or I'm telling Batman." __ "OH NO NOT THE BAT!"

I’m sorry…so far, every conversation in this episode has been completely nonsensical given the circumstances. No wonder Clark’s so paranoid and unsure of himself. Every damn decision he makes seems to be pivotal in some weird Peter Parkerish kind of way.

Lois seems like she’s adjusting to her new promotion, but this conversation with Chloe is again, ridiculous. Chloe says that Clark’s not God, he’s a man. Which is really funny, because Chloe is the one that told Clark “sometimes you’re going to have to play God!” Anyway, she gives LoLo Clark’s vows…she reads them…and on the spot realizes that she’s an idiot. That is two complete 180′s in thought and focus for Lois Lane in less than 24 hours. “Oh Clark after getting your super powers, I can’t marry you! You need to be saving people!! The wedding’s off!” <Hallmark Card Moment> “I am such an idiot!” Sure okay Lois, whatever, I can’t seem to care, and no I don’t like that Clark said she’s a ‘companion’ and not a ‘wife.’ I’m more of a traditionalist that way. Oh and I didn’t miss the Titanic love theme type music playing during this scene.

Tess can’t access her shit in ClatchTower, she goes into the security tapes, and sees Anakin killing youngli-I mean Ollie doing his dark shut down work. Even without the Eye in the Sky, you could SEE a PLANET that was overshadowing the moon, but whatever.

You better stop stealing my lines or I'm gonna bring Lana back AND turn you over to my dentist.

I must say…I am also disappointed that we never see J’onn again. He’s mentioned, but I thought that he’d get more than a shout out at the end. *sigh* KNEEL before Granny Olliebitch. Oh and yeah you’ve gotta depower Klunk-El with the preeecciouusssss….how original.

Sequence 4:

Even though this was a great scene with Tom and the Schneider, it’s just still more of the same. All they keep doing is recycling the same Clark angst, with the same speeches in front of graves. How many times does Clark have to let go/not let go of his dad? And this time, he throws in a “maybe Lois was right.” So….at first he doesn’t even take Lois seriously himself when she calls it off…and now he’s saying that maybe he does need to let her go. After all that talk, all season long, about how she’s his strength, his balance, his grounding, “the only one that’s ever made him feel normal” AND he’s seen their future. Oh what. EVER. Plus, there is absolutely no tension in any of these scenes…because we know that if they actually get married or not, Clark and Lois are still going to be together. They are comics’ premiere super couple, you can’t even mention either one of their names without thinking of the other. So why are we wasting precious time during the series finale on a sequence of events that have zero impact on the ultimate outcome? *headdesk* No one second guesses themselves like Clark Kent on this show. Except maybe Ollie. And Superman would NEVER let go of either of his worlds…they’re his MOTIVATION. And has anyone noticed that no one, not even Clark himself, has mentioned Kara? He wouldn’t want her there for his wedding day? Neither Chloe nor Tess wonder about where she is?

I. am so. bored.

Continued in Part 2

Hey wait no one can tell it's me, right??

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